Sing Cake!

I have been thinking about this post in my mind, trying to figure out how to write it. There are so many things I want to say, but I don't know how to put it into words. So, here goes....

Bart was kind enough to keep the boys and let me fly to Clinton this past weekend to visit Granny. I needed to. It's been over a month since she had the massive stroke. She is not doing well. She is on oxygen and will continue to be for the remainder of her life. She has a feeding tube. She doesn't look well at all. She's not well. Her days are numbered.

I knew I needed to see her again before God takes her home and I think that will be soon. What I didn't know was how much God would use this weekend in my own life to bring me closer to Him.

Let me back up...

Granny and I had a very special bond from the beginning. As a little girl, I would sit in her lap and ask her to "sing cake". This is a song that she sang to all of the Grandchildren. As far as I know, she made the song up. It goes like this...

Run Granddaddy and open the gate,
let little Tonya come and have some cake.
When she wakes, she will have
chicken and pie and gravy.
Go to sleep.
Go to sleep.
Go to sleep, little Tonya.

Naturally, she used the name of whichever of the 12 Grandchildren she was rocking at the time. But, when you sat in her lap and she sang to you, you felt like you were the apple of her eye, the only one in her world. She made you feel so special. I climbed onto her lap until I was way too big to do so (my feet hit the ground) and said, "sing cake", and she would sing to me. I have passed this song down to my own children and every time I sing it to them, I think of Granny and Granddaddy. I also made it a habit over the years to sign letters and cards to Granny with "Sing Cake!". She would always do the same when she wrote to me. It was our little thing. :)

As I got older and became a wife and mother of my own, I went to Granny for lots of advice. We have always had a very special bond. I knew I could talk to her about anything and she would be completely honest with me (even if I didn't like what she had to say). I also knew I could trust her opinion because of the Godly example she set in the way she lived her own life.

Granny is without a doubt the kindest, most considerate, loving, selfless, caring person I have ever met. Everyone that has the privilege of meeting her goes away with a warm and fuzzy feeling! She has a way of making you feel so special and loved. She is genuine. She is kind. She is love. I honestly can't think of one negative thing to say about her. She is the person I strive to be. What an honor to have such a strong Christian role model in my life. God knew I would need her and He was right! Thank you Jesus!

Seeing Granny in the hospital bed hooked up to oxygen, a feeding tube and monitors was not easy. She has always been such a strong woman. It was very hard to see her like that, but I am so glad I got to talk to her, sit with her and hold her hand. I was not able to tell her everything I wanted to tell her because I wouldn't have been able to get it out due to the tears. I did however get to tell her many of those things. I could tell she already knew everything I told her and was trying to tell her. We just have a special understanding.

When I went to tell her goodnight the first night I was there, she called my name when I got to the door. When I went back to her side, she managed to get out in her quiet, raspy voice, "sing cake!". That did it for me! I lost it! Wow! It was really hard to leave her that night.

I got lots of time yesterday just to sit with her. Russ was there too. We didn't do much talking, but I could tell she was glad to see us when she opened her eyes from time to time. I was really dreading telling her goodbye last night because I felt like (and still feel like) it was the last time for me to see her until I see her in heaven. It was hard and still hurts when I think about it. I just told her I loved her so much and was so thankful for the time with her. I gave her one last hug and kiss and then walked to the door. At the last minute, though, I came back to her side and through the tears, I managed to say, "sing cake!". I knew that was the last thing I wanted to say to her.

On the flight back home I thought about the weekend. I went to see Granny and say my goodbyes to her. But once again, God used her to speak to me. Besides having a Godly Grandmother, I am blessed with Godly parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc... I stayed with my Aunt Donna (Granny's daughter). She and my Aunt Debbie are such an example of what it's like to have the ultimate faith and peace in God. Life is so much more than work, school, parties and play groups. Those things are all fine and good, but if you don't have God first in your life, nothing else matters. Everything else is in vain. We are here for a purpose, God's purpose! Everything happens for a reason. It is all part of His ultimate plan. If we accept that, then that's when we have peace. We realize that God is truly in charge of EVERYTHING!

When I think about my poor Granny laying in that hospital bed suffering. I don't understand why God would not go ahead and end her suffering. I don't understand why she has to go through this. But this I know....it's not about me. It's not about Granny. It's about God and HIS purpose and HIS plan, not mine! He's not done with her yet. When He is, He will take her home. Until then, I will love and pray for her and trust God!

Sing Cake!