Granny Goes Home

I've been working on this post for the last couple of days. I wanted to document Granny's death so my children could read it one day. I also wanted to document some of the details as well as my feelings during this time so I can look back and read about it when I need to.

Here goes...

Every since Granny had her stroke in November, my prayer has been for God to take her home and end her suffering. It was so hard seeing her in the condition she was in. It broke my heart! I knew God would take her home in His timing and I thought I would be prepared for it when it happened.

I was wrong.

My Mom sent me an e-mail early Sunday morning to call her when I got up. I knew what it was. I knew she was calling to tell me Granny died. At first, I thanked God and praised His name for ending her suffering. I was so thankful she was in Heaven now free of feeding tubes, free of oxygen and free of her paralyzed body.

Then it hit me.

I was sitting in Church and my mind started to wander. I started to list all of the things that Granny had been to me. The reality set in that I wouldn't be able to hug her one more time, or hold her hand anymore, or talk to her on the phone anymore. I wouldn't hear her say, "Hey Darling" anymore. I hadn't had a chance to mail the picture Judd made her. She will never get it. I started to think about Papa Russ and how sad he must be to have to say goodbye to his love. Everything built up inside of me and I lost it! I had to excuse myself from Church. I had to come home and have a good cry and get it all out. I needed time alone with God and my thoughts. I needed to cry like a baby and I did. It felt good.

I spoke with my Aunt Debbie later in the day who gave me details on Granny's last few hours here on earth. She said Granny had a rough day. Her oxygen level was lower than it had been being and she was struggling with aspiration pneumonia again. When Papa Russ left the rehab/nursing facility to go home for the night he told the nurses her oxygen was low and asked them to keep a close eye on her. Around 11:30PM, they called Papa Russ to tell him they were taking Granny to St. Dominic's Hospital. Her oxygen was too low and she wasn't doing well. Papa Russ called my Aunt Donna and they all hurried to get there as quickly as they could. My Uncle Bill and Aunt Donna took a chance that she was still at the rehab facility before heading to the hospital and I am so glad they did. They saw the ambulance out front closing the doors. My Aunt Donna asked if Eloise Russell was inside. They said she was. She asked if she could see her real quick before they went to the hospital. They opened the doors and she saw Granny inside. Granny saw Aunt Donna and gave her a little wave. That was my Aunt Donna's last communication with Granny.

When they arrived at the hospital, they were told that it didn't look good for Granny. They all went back to see her. Papa Russ insisted on standing by her side and holding her hand. (To paint a clear picture, Papa Russ is 90 years old, going through dialysis and can hardly stand himself.) He stood with her, though, holding her hand the entire time. He gave her hand an "I love you" squeeze and she squeezed "I love you" back. The nurse asked Granny if she was in any pain and she shook her head no. From this point on, it all went really fast. My Aunt Donna and Uncle Bill were there as well as Papa Russ and his daughter, Roschelle (who is also my Aunt Donna's dear friend). They all watched as Granny took her last few breaths. Papa Russ squeezed her hand again, but this time she didn't squeeze back.

She was gone. That was it. Just like that.

She was no longer there with them, she was in the presence of Jesus. Wow! I don't think I will ever be able to think about that without shedding a tear. What a moment that must've been to see her leave her broken, earthly body there in the hospital and to be released into the loving arms of Jesus. What a homecoming that must've been for Granny! I can just see Granddaddy, Aunt Ruby, Uncle Aidren, Aunt Nova, Aunt Neece, Uncle Newel, Uncle Gene, Aunt Lotty, Uncle Warren, Granny Greenlee, Frank, Aunt Doris, Weeda, Nanny, Uncle Ronnie and so many more there waiting at Heaven's gates for her arrival! I picture them having a joyful reunion and celebration and then escorting her to meet Jesus. I picture Jesus standing there in all of His splendor with His arms open wide saying, "Welcome home my child! I have been preparing for your arrival! I knew it would be today! Welcome!" I am sure Granny fell into His arms (she is a hugger) and then fell at His feet! Wow! What an experience that must've been for her! I have a tremendous peace knowing she is now and forevermore in the presence of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, though. It hurts. It hurts bad.

I look forward to seeing her again one day in heaven, but until then, there will be a void. So may things remind me of her! Every time I use Vicks, I'll think of her. Every time I smell or see Doublemint Gum, I'll think of her. Every time I eat a tomato sandwich, I'll think of her. Every time I catch myself whistling, I'll think of her. And the list goes on....

I went back and forth about going to the funeral. I know Granny went home in God's perfect timing, but the timing for us could not have been worse. Bart had a mandatory meeting in Denver, so there was no way we could load up and drive there. If I went, I would have to fly and that would cost more money than we really needed to spend right now. I had some wonderful friends offer to keep the boys for me so I could go. I even took them up on it! At the very last minute, though, I decided I needed to stay here with my boys. I just didn't have a peace about going. Looking back, it was a great decision because Judd ended up coming home sick from school. I would've hated being so far from home knowing he was sick. I thank God for putting that little voice inside my head that told me to stay here. Even though I hated not being there to celebrate Granny's life with my family, I had a peace about it. I had already said my goodbyes in December. It was ok.

I heard the funeral was very good. They had a trumpet player, sang hymns, shared stories, etc... All of the girls painted their fingernails in Granny's favorite polish (Shrimp Creole, by OPI). Before her stroke, Granny always had her fingernails painted and her lipstick on! :) The great grandchildren came into the service because Granny would've wanted it that way. Little Percy Jane even got up and sat in the aisle while the preacher was talking. Granny would've thought that was precious! Knowing my family, I am sure there were lots of tears and even more laughs! Granny loved having all of her family together around her! No matter the reason, we always manage to have a great time together! I am so thankful for our family!

I worry about Papa Russ. Bless his heart. He has outlived 2 wives that he loved with all his heart. He is such a great man! I am so thankful for him and all he did for Granny. He brought such joy to her life after my Granddaddy died and Granny did the same for Russ when Weeda died. They had such a special relationship! He is now the only Grandparent I have left. I am so very thankful for him! I plan to make sure he knows that! :)

I can't imagine a day going by that I don't think of Granny. She was so special to me. I'm just so thankful that I will get to see her again one day in Heaven! Until then, I will think about all of the great times we had together! Those memories have a very special place in my heart. I will strive to live a life similar to how she lived her life. She was such a Godly woman! I hope I never forget what her voice sounded like, or what she smelled like, or how soft her hands were, or how good her hugs felt, or how kind her words were. I don't think I could ever forget that.

What a special lady!