Part 5 of "My Story"

"NO! NO! NO!  I am NOT moving again!  NOOOOOOOO!"

Bart's company went through some changes.  Lots of changes.  There were lots of lay offs.  Everyday for awhile, someone else got their "walking papers".  It was a scary time for our family.  During this time, his company asked him to take a job in Denver.  Now don't get me wrong, I would LOVE to vacation in Denver one day, but I do not want to move there!  Please, God, no!  I begged and pleaded with God on a daily basis.  I was scared.  So very scared.  I started having anxiety attacks about the move.  It's one thing to move your kids when they are little, but moving a middle school aged child is serious business.  Middle school is already such a hard age.  The thought of moving Judd away from his friends and his school where he was comfortable,  made me physically sick to my stomach.  I knew Jack was young enough to adjust just fine.  I wasn't sure about Judd, though.  He had such a hard time adjusting to life in Tulsa after leaving so many friends in Atlanta.  He finally had a good "friend base" here in Tulsa, and was comfortable in his surroundings, and we were going to uproot him again?   I started researching home school options in case God moved us.  I was SCARED. TO. DEATH!

Anxiety hit me hard.  Real hard.  I started having panic attacks and found it very difficult to leave the house.  I withdrew from friends and most of the roles I was filling.  I don't say "no" very often, but I started saying "no" a lot!  I think part of it was the fear of getting closer to these people that I had grown to love, only to have to leave them.  I couldn't deal with that again.   Leaving my friends in Atlanta and starting over in Tulsa was awful.  I did not want to have to start my life all over again.   It was a terrible feeling.  I went through many long, fearful days and even longer, sleepless nights.

Thankfully, God did not see it fit to move us to Denver. WHEW!!!!!!   It's been over a year since that came up.  And thankfully, Bart avoided the lay offs at work, as well.  PRAISE GOD!  I am so very thankful God has kept us here in OK for this time.  I know nothing is promised for tomorrow, but I am trying not to worry about the future.  I know God has us in His hands, no matter what.

I can look back now and see how God used that scary time to teach me SO MUCH!  It's when we are at our weakest, that we feel closest to God if we seek Him out!  I want to write about some of the things I have learned through this.  I plan to do that as I have time.  It's things I want to remember, and look back and reflect on in years to come.

Our stories never end until God calls us home to be with Him.  I am learning and growing everyday.  And no matter what happens, He is there!  For that, I am grateful!  Isn't God good?