In Mourning

I have been meaning to blog my thoughts on "the elephant in the room" for the past few weeks.  It's just so hard to know what to write.  My thoughts are all over the place.  They change day to day, some times moment by moment.  One minute I am excited, happy, and filled with joy and thankfulness.  Only to find myself in tears, anxious, or scared to death the next minute.

Moving is such a roller coaster ride.

I am so grateful for this opportunity God has given us.  What a blessing for our family.  And to say I am proud of my husband is an understatement.  I am SO VERY PROUD of him!  He's pretty awesome.

It's just the moving part that makes it hard.

Leaving our dear friends in Tulsa.

Leaving our Church family.

Leaving our precious neighbors that have become like family.

Changing schools.

Finding new doctors.

Making new friends.

All of the new.

All of the unknown.

It's just so very scary.

So scary.

I try to remain strong for the boys and Bart, but some times this Mama breaks down when no one is around. When the house is quiet and I am alone with my thoughts, I find myself mourning.

Mourning the life we've made here in Tulsa.

Mourning the friends we will leave behind.

There are so many things about Tulsa I am going to miss.  Too many to name really.

I will miss the beautiful Oklahoma sun sets and sunrises.  They are the best I have ever seen!

I will miss the "small town feel" we have here.  9 times out of 10, I run into someone I know (or at least recognize) when I go to Target or Walmart.

I will miss knowing many of the staff at my kid's schools.  I don't even have to show identification most of the time.  They know me.

 I will miss being known as the "southern friend" with an accent different from everyone else around here (except maybe Amber).  ;) It sets me apart.  It makes me feel special.  ;)

I will miss being able to go next door, or across the street, to borrow an egg, or call on my neighbors in the middle of the night for an emergency.

I will miss our Church so much.  What a blessing FBCBA has been to us.  It has become our "home away from home" in so many ways.

 I will miss being able to call up a friend to go for a walk in the evening.

I will miss being able to call a friend at the last minute to meet for lunch.  And I will miss having so many friends to choose from to go to lunch.  Sigh...

 I will miss seeing my boys hang out with their friends.  They have so many friends they have grown up with here in Tulsa.  It's going to be so hard to take them away from them.

I will miss my house here in Tulsa.  It's filled with lots of great memories.

But, my house is just a thing.

I will miss the people.

It's the people in Tulsa that make this move the hardest.  They are simply the best.

They are real.

They are genuine.

They are pretty awesome.

They have become "my people".

Sigh.

That's what I will miss most.

The people.

My people.

I am trying to remain positive.  I believe since God opened this door for us, he will carry us through.  I just have to trust Him.

I trust Him.

I do.

I really do.

But it still hurts.

It's still hard.

My heart still hurts.

Help me, Lord.  Help me trust you through this process.  Hold my hand and carry me when I feel like I can't do it.  Help me to feel your presence.  Help me to feel your Holy Spirit.  Carry me, Lord.  Please carry me.

I can't do it alone.

Carry me, Lord.

I need You.